An Ideal Husband
No, I'm not referring to myself. I know I'm not an ideal husband...yet.
I was reading this play the other day, "An Ideal Husband" by Oscar Wilde. It's not the best play you can find around of course, it's really an easy reading type of literature actually. Still there are some striking quotes about men-women relations and human ambition mainly.
Our hero of the play, Sir Robert Chiltern, at some point while arguing with his wife goes like this:
"...Why can't you women love us, faults and all? Why do you place us on monstrous pedestals? We have all feet of clay, women as well as men; but when we men love women, we love them knowing their weaknesses, their follies, their imperfections, love them all the more, it may be, for that reason."
Now, I'm not going to be a sexist and say "women do this, women do that bla bla bla...". From time to time both women and men commit the same mistake Sir Robert Chiltern is talking about.
When we meet someone new and our first impression of him or her is quite positive, we immediately build an image of that person in our head. This image is basically what we want him to turn out to be. We want him to be our ideal boyfriend that we have been dreaming for so long (see: great expectations). Eventually we all deserve the best, right? What a big lie!!!
None of us deserve the best, my dear friends...That's simply because none of us is the best. We all have flaws, we all have gaps in our characters, we all commit faults. So expecting the best while we are far away from being one is definitely unfair...unfair to him, unfair to her and unfair to ourselves. We shall not be harsh while judging others. We have to be mature enough to omit some tiny mistakes that strike our eyes. We must be courageous to say "Yes!" and give it a try even if he is not our ideal. People can learn from their mistakes and improve themselves as time progresses...well, at least some do. And you may later find that he is much better than he seemed at the first place.
Of course that's not to say that you shall say "Yes!" to anyone that shows a little bit of interest in you. But if you keep on declining the oppurtunuties that are presented, you may end up getting a heart as solid as a rock, a rock that is too heavy even for you to carry.
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One similar mistake is comparing the new candidate with an ex-lover. "X used to do this, she used to do that, she used to call me every night, she used to spend the whole weekend with me, Y never calls me that often, she never says this, she never says that...". The list can be extended to infinity.
Our past, as the name suggests, has passed and is now gone. We can use our past as a wonderful tool for getting experience, strengthening our character or enlightening our today but we shall not use it for judging today. We shall not be seeking what is past and lost, in our new relations. We can never find it eventually. It's simply because every new relation has its own story encrypted to it. Everyone has a unique character, a unique way of doing things, a uniqe way of loving and showing love. Everyone is a different puzzle, and most of all, a different heart. So, just because someone isn't filling the shoes of our ex-love, it doesn't mean that she is not worthy of loving or being given a chance.
************************************************************************************
So ladies and gentlemen, afterall it is for the best to try loving people as they come and not to force making "ideal lovers" out of them I guess...
I was reading this play the other day, "An Ideal Husband" by Oscar Wilde. It's not the best play you can find around of course, it's really an easy reading type of literature actually. Still there are some striking quotes about men-women relations and human ambition mainly.
Our hero of the play, Sir Robert Chiltern, at some point while arguing with his wife goes like this:
"...Why can't you women love us, faults and all? Why do you place us on monstrous pedestals? We have all feet of clay, women as well as men; but when we men love women, we love them knowing their weaknesses, their follies, their imperfections, love them all the more, it may be, for that reason."
Now, I'm not going to be a sexist and say "women do this, women do that bla bla bla...". From time to time both women and men commit the same mistake Sir Robert Chiltern is talking about.
When we meet someone new and our first impression of him or her is quite positive, we immediately build an image of that person in our head. This image is basically what we want him to turn out to be. We want him to be our ideal boyfriend that we have been dreaming for so long (see: great expectations). Eventually we all deserve the best, right? What a big lie!!!
None of us deserve the best, my dear friends...That's simply because none of us is the best. We all have flaws, we all have gaps in our characters, we all commit faults. So expecting the best while we are far away from being one is definitely unfair...unfair to him, unfair to her and unfair to ourselves. We shall not be harsh while judging others. We have to be mature enough to omit some tiny mistakes that strike our eyes. We must be courageous to say "Yes!" and give it a try even if he is not our ideal. People can learn from their mistakes and improve themselves as time progresses...well, at least some do. And you may later find that he is much better than he seemed at the first place.
Of course that's not to say that you shall say "Yes!" to anyone that shows a little bit of interest in you. But if you keep on declining the oppurtunuties that are presented, you may end up getting a heart as solid as a rock, a rock that is too heavy even for you to carry.
************************************************************************************
One similar mistake is comparing the new candidate with an ex-lover. "X used to do this, she used to do that, she used to call me every night, she used to spend the whole weekend with me, Y never calls me that often, she never says this, she never says that...". The list can be extended to infinity.
Our past, as the name suggests, has passed and is now gone. We can use our past as a wonderful tool for getting experience, strengthening our character or enlightening our today but we shall not use it for judging today. We shall not be seeking what is past and lost, in our new relations. We can never find it eventually. It's simply because every new relation has its own story encrypted to it. Everyone has a unique character, a unique way of doing things, a uniqe way of loving and showing love. Everyone is a different puzzle, and most of all, a different heart. So, just because someone isn't filling the shoes of our ex-love, it doesn't mean that she is not worthy of loving or being given a chance.
************************************************************************************
So ladies and gentlemen, afterall it is for the best to try loving people as they come and not to force making "ideal lovers" out of them I guess...
posted by nocturnal at 20:12
2 Comments:
Be a good boy
Push a little farther now
That wasn't fast enough
To make us happy
We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect
Bundan daha yerinde bir yorum yapılamazdı kid...zaten Alanis birsey diyorsa bir bildigi vardır kesinlikle;)
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